Play Fair
by SeigaKaku
Summary: Is it possible to send someone to hell when you're pretty sure you are already there? Battler sure hoped so.


A/N: WHO NEEDS CONTINUITY, PROBABILITY AND POSSIBILITY? THOSE THINGS ARE FOR _CHUMPS_.

* * *

He glanced up at her and she smirked so he looked away.  
He opened his mouth to speak and she inhaled so he shut up.  
He lowered his head and sighed. When he did this, she giggled furiously.

"What's wrong Battler? What's wrooong?"

Battler looked up quickly and her gaze turned upwards as if he were towering above her.  
She still didn't loose her cocky grin. He shot out another theory as fast as he could, "He was in the-"

"Wrong!"

Battler looked down, dejected, "You didn't even let me finish."

"You're wrong though! Why let you go through your whole spiel when you're wrong?" Lambdadelta giggled. "Why, Battler? Why?"

It became quiet but Battler could tell that if he moved or said anything it would be _wrong_ and she would dissolve into a fit of giggles.  
Mocking, terrible giggles. He could tell she was inhaling breath just for that.  
So he didn't move. He didn't want to give her any sort of satisfaction.

The room became quiet all but for the sound of a small click in the corner.  
It was the tapping Bernkastel's teacup made when she placed it on her saucer.

Finally Battler backed down. He looked down at the floor and, as he predicted, Lambda burst into a fit of hysterical laughter.

"I don't know what it was! What was it? Whaaat? What did Beato find so fun in you?" Lambda asked between giggles.  
When she mentioned Beatrice's name, Battler twitched unconsciously.  
It was a sign, to her, that she should continue her tirade. "I know! I know! You really are fun! Ahahaha!"

"Lambdadelta," Bernkastel chided. She moved her eyes from her tea up to the two at the table.  
She closed them again and sighed, "Don't you realize it's rude to tease poor Battler like that?"  
But when she opened her eyes again they were not reprimanding or soothing.  
They were as mean and malicious as could be and betrayed her words perfectly.

Lambada tossed her head back and inhaled deeply. Even in her breathing she seemed over confident.  
"That's right. I'm so sorry, Bern!" Lambda said as she closed her eyes this time, "I didn't mean to offend you."

"By all means, do not stop on my account," Bern said as she closed her eyes once again and sipped her tea.  
She lifted her teacup to her lips, paused, and then said, "I was merely showing you how ill-mannered you were acting."

Lambda lowered her head mechanically and looked back at Battler.  
Bern's warning was merely a joke between the two.  
"Have you any other stupid theories you want me to shoot down, Battler?" Lambda asked.

"Ronove, tea please," Battler said as he held up his empty teacup.

Almost instantly, the hulking man materialized beside their table.  
Without saying anything he lowered the tea pot he was holding and poured the steamy drink into the antique looking cup.  
Battler thanked him and Ronove disappeared as quickly as he had come.

"Ahhh, living the high life? Do you enjoy it, Battler?" Lambda smirked as she leaned on the table.

Battler closed his eyes and smirked, "Ronove is certainly a delicious chef. And I've never had better tea."

"Ohhhh, not even your Auntie Rosa's special tea? Her special tea that she used to-" "Lambda."

Lambdadelta looked back apologetically at Bernkastel who glared at her with her cold eyes.  
Lambda stuck her tongue out playfully and looked back at Battler.  
"You'll have to forgive me. I let my mouth run there," she said as she tried, and failed, to hide a mischievous smile.

Battler glared at her but didn't give into her bait.  
When he said nothing after awhile she frowned and rested her head on one of her hands.

It became quiet. Even Bernkastel did not make any sounds to annoy them.

"You are _sooo_ boring!" Lambda whined.  
She plopped her head against the table and Battler could feel her kicking her legs under the table.

"You act more immature than Maria," Battler said as he looked down into his tea and then took another sip.

Lambda scoffed, "Oh, don't get me started on _her_."

"My cousin bothers you, oh mighty witch?" Battler smirked.

"Tch," Lambda said as she crossed her arms.  
"I hate her! Nobody is more powerful than me!"

"Except me," Bernkastel replied quietly with the hint of a evil smile in her voice.

"At least, Bern is worthy of being stronger than me! That little rat...! Gah!" Lambda said as she stomped her feet.

"So you admit little Maria is stronger than you are?" Battler asked, amused.  
He took another big sip of his tea and then plunked the empty teacup back on his saucer.

"And you admit witches are real, yes?"

Battler laughed, "You think it'll be that easy, stupid?"

"I'll tear you to pieces you scum," Lambda said with a feral smile.

Bern clicked her tea down loudly and both Battler and Lambdadelta turned to look at her.  
She looked, for all her emotionless being, slightly annoyed.  
"Enough of this. If you won't play seriously," and she paused to look up at Battler for his reaction to this.  
He did cringe slightly as he remembered what Ange had said to him.  
"Then, let's just continue on. A new game."

"That's a great idea! This idiot can't do anything to win this one.  
I'm fine with starting another. You too, right Battleeer?" Lambda asked excitedly.

Battler sighed, "If we're starting again I'm going to need another cup of tea."

"Ohhh, are you just trying to drink a lot so you can go use the washroom  
and use it as extra time to try new strategies?" Lambda said with a grin.

"Who would think of such an dumb plan?" Battler smirked.

Ronove appeared beside the table again and started pouring Battler some more tea.  
"Ronove, do you think you could leave the pot? This could get a little nasty  
and I'll be needing lots of this stuff," Battler asked sheepishly.

"Of course," Ronove said with a curt nod, "It won't get cold no matter how long it sits."

"Of course the great Ronove would have something that awesome for his delicious tea," Battler said as he closed his eyes.

Ronove gave another nod, "Thank you. Although I am not that praiseworthy."

"Ahhh, you must have never tasted your own cookies then," Battler said as he leaned back.

"If you two are done with the love fest, can we continue?" Lambda asked impatiently.

"Sorry," Ronove said with a respectful bow before disappearing again.  
Battler looked across at Lambda and she sat smugly looking back at him.

Finally Lambda said, "So what? Can we start now? I'm anxious! I want to kill your annoying cousin again!"

"Lambdadelta," Bern chided again.  
Her voice still did not hide her amusement despite her reproachful tone.

"We're starting again?" Battler asked lamely.

"What? Yes!" Lambda spat furiously.

Battler smiled, "Is that so?"

"Ahhh, I miss Beato," Battler sighed.

Lambda settled. Her anger had changed to grim amusement. "Really?"  
She looked absolutely tickled by this announcement. It seemed like a perfect weak spot.  
Granted, it wasn't really surprising.

"Yeah. She let me finish my stupid theories at least," Battler said, reminiscing.  
"And there was something else..."

"Something else?" Lambda asked, curious.  
"Like what?"

Battler sighed, "Beato clearly wasn't as dense as you are, Lambdadelta."

"What are you talking about?" Lambda spat,  
"I am clearly much, much, much smarter than she was!"

Battler looked at her skeptically. So she went on.  
"She's dead isn't she? Anyone that is dead is stupid! Cause they died! Only stupid people die!"  
She looked back at Bern who didn't seem the least bit interested.  
Then she turned back to Battler.

Lambda growled, "I'll make you suffer for calling me-"  
Battler whipped forward faster than Lambda could react and grabbed the teapot's handle, and without a second of hesitation whipped it at the witch.  
It smashed when it hit her face and the ever-hot liquid poured out on her.

She screamed like a dying animal and grabbed at her face but found that was too painful to do.  
Battler could see Bern was already acting but he knew Lambda could be taken out much easier.

He grabbed the candle holder sitting in the middle of the table and jumped over the small table.  
Lambda stepped back but not fast enough as Battler grabbed her wrist and slammed the holder into her chest.

It sizzled and then her body made a funny sound as if it were a machine that was breaking apart.  
Then the holder became dislodged and he let it go.  
The holder fell to the ground as a massive hole grew in her chest where he had stabbed her.  
Her body burnt to gold ash and fell away from him as he swivelled away from the table, looking desperately for Bernkastel.

"What do you think you'll gain from this, Battler?"

He swivelled again in the direction he had heard her in.  
It was down the long dark corridor that lead to someplace he didn't know.  
He cursed them for liking it so dark.

"Do you think that you killed her with that?"

He hurried in the direction that she spoke from and braced himself.  
Battler was sure she'd probably kill him soon.  
At least with Lambdadelta, he'd had the element of surprise.  
Now Bernkastel was everywhere and nowhere.

"You didn't! You can't! This is all for nothing! You're only hurting yourself!"  
She was getting frantic.

Battler scoffed, "I don't know. That bitch looked like she was in pain for a second there."

Then he was running. He didn't know why.  
Except that he suddenly had a feeling he knew where Bernkastel was.  
He also knew she was right.  
But it wasn't about killing them.  
It was about showing them.  
Showing them what he could do.

It materialized in his hands, a shotgun.  
He realized it was like the ones in the game he had watched so many times.  
But it seemed different. It had the family crest on it for, one.  
_What would Ange think if she saw me using magic?_, Battler thought bitterly to himself.  
There wasn't time for anything else.

The corridor ended at a great big door. Without stopping his slammed into it.  
It flew open and he was in the garden.

It looked exactly like the courtyard on Rokkenjima.  
Which made him feel sick and sad but he didn't dwell.  
Because she stood directly ahead of him.

"What do you plan to do, Battler? WHAT?" Bernkastel screamed, her face contorting drastically unlike herself.  
No, Battler decided, it was exactly like her. Fitting for such a complete monster.

"I plan to kill you," Battler said as he pumped the shotgun.  
Bernkastel looked genuinely terrified.

"And I'll come back. I always come back!" She laughed hysterically,  
"Kill me a hundred times! Kill me a million times! I'll come back! I'll always come back! That's how I win! THAT'S HOW I WIN!!"

Battler just walked towards her, face set and completely determined. She stumbled back and then tripped.  
Later on, Battler would recall seeing something trip her and would remind himself to thank whatever Stake had done it.

She looked up at him, her eyes blazing and wide with fear. "It's useless, Battler! Killing me means nothing!"

"Why? Why don't you flee? Why don't you kill me? Can't you?" Battler asked quietly.

"Ahahahahahaha," Bernkastel laughed. She tilted her head back and the evil, evil sound poured out of her mouth.  
"This is how I win! This is how I win! This is how I win! This is how I win!"

Battler narrowed his eyes and aimed the shotgun at her.  
She continued in her maddening voice, "This is how I win! This is how I win! This is how I win! This is how I-"  
The bang rattled the quiet air in the courtyard and her dark, red blood spilled down onto the ground.

_It's useless. It's all useless._


End file.
